Lost my keys :D :D

A person goes to the doctor with his 3 year old son.

Person: - Doctor, my son has swallowed a key.

Doctor:- When did he swallowed a key?

Person:- 20 days back.

Doctor:- And you are coming to me now, after 20 days.

Person:- We had a duplicate key, but we lost it today.

Woman

ωσмєη ωιll вє ωσмєη...
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A 54 year old woman had a heart attack & was taken 2 the hospital.

While on the operating table she had a near death experience.

Seeing God she asked, "Is my time up ?"

God said, "No, you have another 34 years 2 live."
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Upon recovery, the woman decided 2 stay in the hospital
& have a face-lift, liposuction, & tummy tuck. She even changed her hair color

Finally she was released from the hospital.

While crossing the road on her way home, she was killed by a truck.

Arriving in front of God, she asked,

"You said I had another 34 years 2 live.
Why didn't you save me from the truck?"

(You'll love this)
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God replied:
"I couldn't recognize you!"

Handwriting in exam.. :D

Last page of my text book.. LOLs

WTF !!! :D

Haze... Haze... Haze...

Give me your phone.. :D

gf: Give me your phone for a second
bf: Wait let me switch it on.
Delete video.
Delete picture.
Delete music.
Delete private folder
Delete number.
Delete sms.
Delete out goin calls.
Delete incomin calls.
... Delete mms.
Delete what's app.
Delete bbm.
Delete
Delete
Delete
Delete
Delete
Delete
FORMAT Memory Card.
Here u go I have nothing to hide from u!!
gf: I just wanted to see the time